Isn’t it funny (or not so much) how opposites can both attract and annoy at the same time?
If you’re in a relationship, chances are you and your mate have different styles of handling finances.
Now, now, don’t go pointing fingers and playing the blame game for past occurrences. Instead, let’s focus on how you can live peacefully together, despite your differences.
For starters, communicate.
In a respectful manner, have open and honest discussions about your financial goals. You can’t expect your mate to automatically know what you would like to accomplish; you must share this information with him/her.
Also, put on your listening ears.
Newsflash…it’s not all about you. An important part of communicating, is listening. We must consider our partners financial goals and expectations too.
And last, but definitely not least, be patient.
Keep in mind that you and your bae were probably taught (both explicitly and implicitly) different lessons about finances. And some of those differences are neither good, nor bad, but just different. Basically, it doesn’t have to be your way or the highway. Be open minded and willing to compromise.
On the other hand, if your mate has some money habits that adversely impact the household, try not to nag him/her. Calmly discuss the matter with them and explain the effect of their behavior. Also, come up with a system for your budget that includes fun money, to help prevent your mate from feeling restricted. And remember, change does not occur overnight.
Depending on the severity of your situation, you may consider seeking professional help from an unbiased, third-party.
When talking to your partner about finances, remember the three T’s:
Timing – make sure to approach the subject at the right time. If your mate is hungry, tired, ill, or already in a funk about something, it’s probably not a good time to discuss money.
Temperament – check your disposition. Be mindful of your tone and try to remain calm, even during periods of disagreements.
Team – you guys are on the same team. The ultimate goal is to do what’s best for the both of you as one unit. If you compete against each other, no one wins.
I’m not claiming to be a relationship expert by any means. But I do feel that these tips will help you, as they have helped me personally. Mr. A. and I have been happily married (as far as I know) for almost 18 years; so I’ve learned a few life lessons along the way.
“We are dangerous when we are not conscious of our responsibility for how we behave, think, and feel.” -Marshall B. Rosenberg
